found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
