My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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