Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
