Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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