Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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