I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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