you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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