i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
