I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
