I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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