I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize