i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
