Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
the day after is always just damage control
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
