TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
