a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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