I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
try to milk me bitch
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
