Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Ketchup is God's man juice
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
