Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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