Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
