omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
