I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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