clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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