Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
