woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You are a genius and a whore.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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