I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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