Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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