Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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