he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
