If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You made out with two different species that night
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
