Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
