I like to think it a success when the cops are called
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
