I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
