one might say we're banned from that church
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
