Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
