i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
