His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
