The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize