She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
