I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize