My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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