i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
