I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
