After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
