dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
