My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
