Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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