cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Come share oat with me in your robe
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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