Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
