so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize