If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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