do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
