I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
