He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
