You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
