i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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