and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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