hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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