my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
