And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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