I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
