I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize