You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
