Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
