I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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