I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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