8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
