Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
