I think scott just propositioned me for sex
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
