I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
