just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
