You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You're like the curious george of whores
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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