Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
