It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
