I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
