Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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