Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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