Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Randomize
