My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
zippers are such a cool invention
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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