Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
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