Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
