After last night, I could never be a politician.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
you inspire me to be a worse person
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
