If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
