omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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