Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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