You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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