CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
