The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
